Feelin’ myself a lil :)

Taken January 9, 2015 - Such a transformation when I look back to my lowest point in 2009
February 9, 2015 

 

I haven’t taken a good close up photo of myself in quite awhile, and since my face has been so great I decided to celebrate that!

My skin has been doing really great lately… literally from my ankles up are clear and doing very well.  I’m still experiencing some itchness on my hands, lower part of my arms and lower part of my legs, but its becoming less and less in severity as I heal.  I keep telling myself, “it’s just my feet left, just my feet! Keep on pushing, continue staying faithful and positive.”  It’s amazing when I look back to photos, especially from 2009 when I was at my lowest point as far as physical and mental health.  I had months of chemo behind me, my hair was super short from chopping it off due to some of the hair loss I was experiencing, I barely had any eyebrows from scratching them off, my skin was brittle, super dry & itchy, dark and gray.  I had lost a significant amount of weight… the lowest I’ve ever been and I was just so unhappy with life, but trying to force on a smile.  You can see more photos of my transformation on the My Story page.  Now my skin is better than ever, (although its still got a tiny bit more to go) and I know that besides withdrawing from the topical & injected steroids, implementing my plant based diet and whole food supplements have helped in assisting healing.  My skin is so much healthier, my gut health is amazing, the whites of my eyes are brighter, my hair is stronger and shinier and even my nails are stronger!  I attribute this all to living holistically and feeding my body the best possible nutrients to heal through this process. 🙂

Currently, I’m still sticking it out at home… my feet are still in recovery mode (still slightly oozy, swollen at times, and I have this super painful sore on the BOTTOM of my foot… ugh) which makes it hard to put on socks and shoes because they will confine my foot to a tight space and irritate them which will set back the progress I’ve made thus far.  Although this is the current situation I’m in, I’m still pushing through everyday, and giving thanks for this process.  I’ve seen the transformation with my own eyes, and I have pictures to prove it… just that alone gives me gratitude.  It shows that as everyone likes to say, “healing happens” it just takes time… but when you can look back and see the transformations… it’s just amazing!

So yea, I’ve been feelin’ myself a lil, and I wanted to show off my most recent photo of myself! ❤

Overtime, I’ve truly learned to accept the process, surrender to it and keep the faith.  In this I’ve learned to love myself in whatever state I’m in at the moment, and know that I will only be better and better as time goes on!

-Jen

 

Just because & YAY for eyebrows :p

 

Tackling depression in TSW & the Dark Times in Life

Tackling depression in TSW & the Dark Times in Life
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Thanks Lorraine Glover for the beautiful artwork!

Topical Steroid Withdrawal is a process that will not only transform your body for the better as you physically heal from the toxins of the steroid use, but it will also test you mentally and emotionally.  Many warriors have gone through the trials of depression while healing and have found ways to cope, stay strong and to keep pressing on.  I felt that it would be a great idea to reach out to those on the facebook groups, itsan.org forum, and to those who have already healed from eczema and get their accounts on how they got through the dark time in their lives.

Continue reading “Tackling depression in TSW & the Dark Times in Life”

<3 <3 <3

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

-Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

2015!!! Looking Forward to an Awesome Year of Healing!!!

Happy New Year!!!

I love the feeling of “new beginnings” and “a clean slate”.  I actually like to look at my birthdate as my New Year.  🙂

Although we don’t need a specific date on the calendar to tell us that we can start fresh, it’s nice to have a date where everyone celebrates together at the wonderful new beginnings of the future.  When you really think about it, we can choose any second of any day to start anew.  It’s just a conscious decision to change it up and work on ourselves.

2014 had its ups and downs for me, but I’ve made a conscious decision to let those things that I wasn’t able to accomplish or the rough times that I had went through health wise (and are continuing to go through) not get me down.  I’ve decided to keep on looking forward and let go of all the opportunities I may have missed out on, the people who may have disappointed me, and all the negative energy and bad vibes that may have came my way.

2015 will be a year of complete healing!  I can feel it that this is truly the end of this healing process and I won’t be going through this at all this time next year!  I like to “call things into existence” and I’m definitely calling this one in.  I want to be in the best health of my life, fully living my life and enjoying new experiences and opportunities this year.

I usually like to say that right now I’m 90% of the way there in my healing with just my feet left to restore.  The rest of my body from my ankles up is so much better from where it was years ago.  My natural oils are coming back, the thickness is smoothing out, the discolouration is evening out, I’m rarely itchy on the rest of my body, my face is insanely smooth and clear… even the wrinkles under my eyes are fading away!  I’ve seen the transformation of my skin, and I know that my body is recovering and healing!  I have nothing but gratitude for this rough journey, because it has taught me so much about myself, that our bodies are amazing at healing themselves, and has made me more spiritual with a closeness to God.

I mention that I like to say 90% of my body… but if I’m going to speak things into existence then I should say, “I’m completely healed! 100%!”.  I’ve learned that we must “CALL THE THINGS THAT AREN’T AS IF THEY ARE”.  So I’m claiming complete healing, and by this time next year, when I post my overview of 2015 on the first of Jan 2016, I’ll have nothing but awesome things to say about the past year!

I’m wishing everyone a blessed New Year of strength, healing and love! ❤

-Jen

Joel Osteen, ‘Blessed in the Dark Places’

 

I like to check out Joel Osteen’s sermons often to keep me inspired and encouraged.  Today, in the late morning hours as I was trying to fall back asleep, I decided to listen to one of his recent sermons.  Most days I sleep fairly well, but the itchiness on my feet was taking over, and it had been keeping me up for a while.  Time continued to pass and by this time it was 10 am and everyone else was awake, so of course the outside noises were also halting my sleep.

It always seems that whenever I check out one of his messages, it always hits home, and seems to fit perfectly for my life.  I’ve been going through topical steroid withdrawal for a while now, with breaks off and on, and as positive as I can be, weariness can set in from time to time.  I’ve accepted a long time ago that healing from eczema would take some time, and it gives me solace to hear sermons like this one… to make me feel that it will all be for my benefit in the end.  I know that my body has been transforming, and I’ve become healthier and healthier.  And I know that when I am in those “dark places” that there will be light, and that what I’m going through is only temporary and will ultimately make me a stronger, healthier person.

  • I especially love his metaphor of the seed… a seed being planted in the dirt (a dark uncomfortable place), then stretches itself and grows into a beautiful flower.  “You’re not buried you’re planted… Like that seed your potential is about to be released.  You’re not only going to come out, you’re going to come out baring much fruit.  Better, stronger, fully in blossom.”
  • “You’ve gotta go through the sickness to get to the fresh anointing, the new beginning.”
  • The blessing is in the breaking.
  • The brokenness is only temporary!
  • In the Bible, David said, “God enlarged me in my distress.”
  • The dark places are opportunities to grow.
  • “If you go through the dark places with the right attitude, you’ll see exclamation points coming your way.  The surpassing greatness of God’s favour” 

I hope that this sermon can give you inspiration to keep on pushing through, and to know that this struggle, or any struggle for that matter will turn you into a stronger person. 🙂

-Jen

Words of Affirmation & Scriptures for Healing

 

Healing is not only a physical process, but an emotional and mental one.  If there’s anything that I’ve learned with battling cancer and now pushing through TSW, is the importance of keeping a good, hopeful attitude and having positive thoughts of affirmation.  In dealing with different situations, the way we think and the words we speak into existence can either have a negative or positive effect on our bodies in so many ways…

Continue reading “Words of Affirmation & Scriptures for Healing”

A little journal entry from last year around this same time…

I had just realized that around this time last year I was finally coming into a break from my summer long flare.  I had been housebound for most of the duration of my flare, and actually moved from North Carolina to New York at the end of August.  From then up until October I had been housebound.  It was so frustrating because I was finally back in my favourite city, and all I wanted to do was be out and about and live my life.  Once I started to see that the hell was ending for a little while I was motivated to feel normal and live my life again.  At the time I was working on this blog, but didn’t have enough information yet to really make it live.  My cousin actually encouraged me to document my experience of “leaving my apartment for the first time” (lol) and to post it on my blog.  It’s hard to describe the experience in words, but I try to in this little journal entry that I’d like to share with you all…

Continue reading “A little journal entry from last year around this same time…”

Early October Update

I had planned to put an update with pics of the month of September, but if anyone is interested, they can check out my pics in the PHOTOS section where I have the progress documented by each month.  So I guess I’ll just go into how I’m currently doing, physically and emotionally as I’m now in my 32nd month of topical steroid withdrawal…

Continue reading “Early October Update”

Felt like venting on the itsan.org forum & current photos…

So I’ve been going on the http://www.itsan.org forums a lot lately, and it’s been helping to talk to others that are going through this topical steroid withdrawal process as well.  Everyone is all trying to just relieve themselves of this horrendous disease called eczema, and reading about others struggles and journeys helps to put it all in perspective, lets me know that I’m not alone in this, and helps to make me feel like there is a community of supporters all rooting for one another.  I was feeling reaaaalllly crappy this past week from going through yet another bad flare this summer and was feeling like venting.  The response I recieved from the other members was so encouraging and filled with love that I instantly felt better, and it gave me the boost to keep on keepin’ on.  I encourage anyone struggling with withdrawing from topical steroids, to check out the site, and join the forum.  There’s a lot of great info that’s being shared on there, and the community of other TSWers makes you feel like you’re not the only one in the world struggling right now 🙂

Here’s the post from Aug, 19th…

Continue reading “Felt like venting on the itsan.org forum & current photos…”

My first post!!!

So this is my very first post!  I was trying to wait and post once all of my pages were complete, but I felt compelled to put this up.  I’m right now 2 years and 5 months into my topical steroid withdrawal process and it’s been a rough journey.  Quite a lot of ups and downs, and I guess a part of me feeling so adamant about posting now is because of how I’ve been feeling.  Throughout this whole process, my body has been pretty consistent with how it wants to heal.  At the very beginning, back in March 2012, once I got off the steroids the withdrawal process started somewhat slowly….then became full blown by June.  Since then, my body likes to heal like this: go bizerk during the summer months, finally taper off early fall, then be tolerable to where I can actually function (be fully clothed comfortably, go out and about) in the winter, slowly start showing withdrawal symptoms again in the spring….then go crazy again come summertime. So this year, right on schedule it started to become its worst towards the end of May.  This year most definitely wasn’t as bad as last year…I can already see signs of it tapering off, but I still have moments of discomfort, oozing, crusting, aching pain, fatigue and emotional ups and downs.  This particularly sucks because I made a leap and moved back to New York (I was living in North Carolina with family) on my own at the end of Aug 2013.  Even then it was extra difficult because I was in the middle of another “summertime healing crisis”.  Once I got here I literally was stuck in the apartment until October!  Yea, no joke.  Like….I didn’t leave my apartment until October!  Thank God I live in a city where everything can come to you.  I had my laundry picked up and dropped off, and I had my groceries delivered to me!  Once I was “back on my feet” (literally, because the worst of my healing was on my legs and feet) I was able to get out and about, even hold down a job.  I was enjoying this wonderful city that I’ve missed for so long.  So it’s been a bit of a disappointment to be back in this state, but I know that it’s just a part of the process.  My body has absorbed soooooo many toxins, and I know the time that it’s going to take to be rid of them completely.  On the upside, this healing process seems to have taken less time then last year, and its not as intense.  On the good days where my feet aren’t so swollen and are not oozing lymph fluid, I can actually put on socks and sneakers for a short time and go to the grocery store, or go on short outings.  Last year I was way too weak to really do any of that. Although I’m feeling a bit frustrated right now, not being able to work (I had to take a leave of absence once it flared up really badly at the end of May), not being able to enjoy the beach and other summertime activities, I still give thanks everyday, and stay as positive as I can.  I know that “this too shall pass” and I gotta go through this hurdle, no matter how long it may take to come out clean and healthy on the other side.  So to anyone who may read this post and check out my site, I just want to let you know that I feel you, I know your pain and your frustrations.  I know what it feels like to fall into the depths of depression, thinking that this agony will never end, but you gotta pull yourself out of it and know that IT WILL END.  Everything ends sooner or later, and you will be a stronger, wiser and a forever changed human being because of this battle that you’ve won!  I foresee victory in my future as well as yours! ❤ Stay Strong Eczema Warriors!!